Men really like to complain that they lose their ass when they get divorced. The ex dude in my life was no exception. He was finding all sorts of way to spend and hoard before he kicked me out.
When I mention that there was very little to divide at the end, a few men have actually said “I love that for you!”.
So I’m going to break it down… This is what I got in the divorce:
- half of the equity in the house
- Half of his 401(k)
- Half of his stock
- The $200 in checking
- The zero in savings
- I was left with debt
- I got to keep my 2016 car, which was already paid off
He makes 6x more than I do. After bonuses and stock, he makes 10x more than me.
- The house: I put in $50,000 of my own inheritance. He paid the mortgage and wouldn’t you know it, it added up to $50,000 over 11 years. So, that makes us even fucking Steven on this one. Whatever I get is the equity. Nothing more, nothing less. Fuck the men who say we “take you to the cleaners on this”. Fuck you fuck you fuck you. AND he’s keeping the house AND he gets to assume that fucking mortgage at 3%. The refinance that I INSISTED on and he fought me on because he didn’t want to file paperwork and pay the fees. I wish I could have made him sell it or I could refuse to sign off on the mortgage assumption.
- The 401(k): He refused to open a 401(k) for over a decade when he started at his new job. For whatever reason, he didn’t want it, he hated the idea and he was just a big fucking baby about it. Even though his employer matched it. His EX employer went under and their benefits company had been chasing him down for over a decade trying to get my ex to take this orphaned account and my ex refused because he hated his ex employer. I asked him if I could do the legwork on it and he yelled “NO! I don’t want it! I hate them! Let them spin their wheels trying to find me!!” Fucking BABY. So, I never saw a dime of that account. However, when he finally started putting money in a 401(k), again, at the behest of his father, it was 2017 and this account had very very very little money in it. So, I will be getting $90k from this. Whoa, big spender here.
- The stock: He had hundreds of thousands of dollars in stock (And we had a savings AND he had an inheritance) and he BLEW THROUGH ALL OF IT. High five to the fucking bros who think this is way awesome. But, he spent roughly $100-$120K a year on collectibles, camera equipment and sound/music equipment so at the end of this mess, there was only $150K in stock left, down from like $400K. So, I get $75K. This will go towards paying my attorney and some emergency fees I’ve incurred. I’m swimming in that gold!!!
- I did the math and I cost him $18,500 a year. Half of everything (not counting the mortgage), my gas, my insurance, food etc. If I bought anything else, I used money from my business. So, $18,500 and guess what? My write-offs and him filing as married saved him $24,000 a year. So I was a net fucking gain.
- I did not get alimony.
- When we had the savings, I wanted to buy a rental property in 2015. We had the money, it would have paid for itself it would have been a great investment. We had talked about doing rental properties since 2003. He was gung ho in 2003+. But when we finally had the money, he refused, he didn’t trust it. That townhouse I wanted to buy has quadrupled in value and the rent has doubled. Instead, he has boxes and boxes of ebay collectibles. My attorney said I could go after the hundreds of thousands of dollars of collectibles, but I would have to hire experts in each category of shit he bought. That would have been like 5 experts. Then we’d have to pay the experts to inventory all the shit and then divide it. That’s not assuming my ex wouldn’t have hid it first. (He did hide things, sadly). So… I let that all go.
Maybe my ex had a premonition that we were going to implode. I honestly didn’t think that until the very end. So, maybe this was all calculated.
I do know now that he never respected me. He never liked me. He only liked my boobs. You don’t share money with a hot rack, and yuck, that rack is aging, so… maybe he knew this all ahead of time.
But we moved so many times for his job, I gave up a brick and mortar store to move with him, then I gave up so much to move again and again and again. And I had a shitty miscarriage during one of those moves. I was the one doing all the work, keeping things together, getting us out of debt, reigning in his spending early on, filing HIS back taxes after we got married and clipped coupons for YEARS to get us caught up after his tax woes. I did SO MUCH for us. I may not have worked a 40 hour a week job, but I had gigs, I had a business, I had inheritance and things. Plus, I did ALL the labor. Absolutely all of that. And in the end, he told me that labor didn’t benefit him, that it was only for me and inherent to women and our “instincts” so he didn’t have to be grateful or acknowledge my work, I just couldn’t help myself.
To come out of 23 years of struggling, saving, physically working, lifting and taking care of the entire household myself… and he never cared. He never saw my value. It’s gut wrenching.
And now, where he works, he’s such a spoiled king… he can roll in at 10 (working from home), take a 2 hour lunch and log out at 5pm. And they get unlimited days off and days they force them to take off for “mental wellness”. I mean, good for him, but… I don’t think he’ll ever understand a physically exhausting day where you have dirt under your fingernails, you’ve been sweating, a shower feels AMAZING and you fall asleep when you immediately hit the pillow. He’ll never know that.
He avoids discomfort, connection, communication, responsibility, accountability, criticism, shirts that itch, pants that are tight around his knee, exercise and empathy. He chases comfort, sex and food. He’s almost like a worm.
As usual, I tangent off into never never land… but… there you have it. I am SWIMMING in riches over here. THRILLED at the payout for the years I did NOTHING in a marriage and I’m just handed a big fat check like I won the fucking lottery or something. As legend has it, he’s left DESTITUTE because the system is rigged against him and blah blah blah… NO. Get your heads out of your asses.
I want my 23 years back. Fuck this noise. And I know he is telling people that he lost his ass to me, but it’s just not true. Not at all. He also told me he was going to find true love and start a family. At 47. I’m sure he’s getting his passport up to date.
p.s… he hasn’t asked about our dog in 2 years.
p.s.s.. he owed $24K in income tax the first year after he kicked me out. I’ll consider that a win. And I’m free and my body doesn’t have to touch his ever again…. that’s a HUGE win.
Fellas, sing it…
Gold diggin’ girls drivin’ me crazy, I can’t take it no mo.
