It Started with “The Snap”

In February 2019, my best friend died and then I ran into an emergency. For the first time ever, I asked my husband specifically to answer his phone that day, but he refused. I had somehow managed to live my life without a helpful partner for over two decades. I thought I was superwoman, I made his life so much better. I was so proud of how I could handle everything. But that day, the day he wouldn’t answer his phone the one time I asked, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back. He said “I don’t have to answer my phone for anyone, not even you!” and I snapped. Something in me said “enough!” I emotionally checked out of the marriage that day. I had no idea what was to come.

The Mystery Illness

In December 2019, I had a mystery Illness that left me with a very high fever for 3 days. I didn’t leave the couch those 3 days. I would send my friend pictures of the almost 104 degree fever on the thermometer that was keeping me immobile and she was begging me to go to the doctor. But I couldn’t move. I was in and out of consciousness those 3 days. I have never encountered anything like this. I believe that something about that fever changed me. My subconscious, God, the Universe, my angels… something told me that I must take control of my life. I must change. There was a better life if I just pursued it.

The Awakening

After the mystery illness, I completely changed. It was like my soul had come online after years of being asleep or disassociated. My instincts were screaming to listen, and I finally was. I was coming back into myself. I wanted to discover who I was meant to be. The Awakening felt like pure love, pure light, pure purpose. The universe was sending me a love letter. You are loved, you belong, you deserve to live your life for YOU and not everyone else around you.

The Emotions

The first 3 months after the awakening were very intense. I would cry in parking lots, grocery stores, in mixed company, while showering. The gratitude was overwhelming. They were happy tears. Tears of relief, joy, pure love. Other people noticed. Said I was radiating. It was tremendous. Absolutely life changing.

The Changes

The changes came immediately. Optimism, weight loss, putting down boundaries, finding my true north, my own reality, my voice. I was changing so quickly, it was jarring. For me and especially for my husband. I no longer centered him in my life, my schedule no longer revolved around him, I no longer put all my energy into being his emotional scaffolding. I was finally living for myself.

The Conversation

I reached out to a spiritually aware friend of mine. She is intuitive, open minded, a bit clairvoyant and had known me for decades. I told her my story. She believed I had an awakening. She also had a vision. Me, wearing a blue dress and sneakers in a boat with my dog. We are drifting down a river. I take the fork on the right, but then I decide to get out of the boat and run into the woods. Abandoning the timelines I had been passive on.

So here I am, running through the woods with my sweet dog, in a blue dress and sneakers, searching for the real me.